


Ecstasy Of A Love Forgotten

by orphan_account



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Hint of Alec Lightwood/Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-30 23:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6447061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lydia gets hurt badly on her first mission with Jace alone. To her big surprise Jace is there during her recovery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ecstasy Of A Love Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> I have neither excuses nor any kind of explanation for this.

When Lydia opens her eyes she regrets it immediately.

The light is so bright it hurts and it only distracts from the throbbing pain in her leg for a moment. She vaguely registers a moan forming in her throat and the urge to let herself slip into unconsciousness, to let her head collide with the ground and stop feeling all the spots where it hurts is overwhelming. It would be so easy.  
But there is something in her peripheral vision that is bugging her. Her brain seems to think there is something more important than shutting down from the pain.

"Lydia!" It rings in her ears, shrill and obtrusive. She can't find it in herself to cover her ears.  
"Lydia, you-" Her eyelids are heavy, so easy to slide shut. There is a heavy crunch coming from somewhere far, far away. If she just pretends she didn't hear...  
" _Lydia!_ " A horrible sound, insistent and loud and in perfect synchronisation with the dull sound of footsteps coming closer. In the back of her head, somewhere, she knows that her instincts should be kicking in, her last defense line, but then there are hands on her shoulder, careful, and on her hip, pressing, and before the pain can come slamming into her she passes out.

*

This time the first thing she notices upon waking up is the feeling of her throat, ready to crack open. She doesn't manage to swallow or talk, so she just lets her eyes flutter open. It's a mistake.

Like she's opened up the door to her other sensations she becomes aware of the state she's in. She sighs at the lack of hurt. The numbness in her legs and arms isn't particularly soothing, though.  
The air is buzzing around her, there is a faint stench in the air, a smell of sickness. The sheets underneath her are familiar, standard issued for the New York Institute, she signed an order of them just last week, but the space around her seems empty.

The runes on the walls stand out stark from the walls to her tired eyes.  
Relief is welling up in her chest, despite the amount of damage her body has apparently sustained, though she can't pin point exactly why.

"Lydia?" Jace appears in her field of vision where there were only the ceiling and the Institute walls a second ago. His eyes are intent and softer than she's ever seen them, at least directed at her. It makes her want to tell him that she's alright, that she just needs to collect her thoughts, because they're out of order like they haven't been in a long time, but all she can scrape together is a croak. Her throat still feels like it's being split apart.

Jace's eyes light up with immediate recognition.  
"Wait one second." He disappears from sight again and a second later there is a hand being slid under her neck and her head is being propped up. The coolness of the glass against her lips comes unexpected, and her mouth opens without any further prompting. When the water hits her tongue she gasps and manages to pull up the hand that isn't completely devoid of feeling to push herself up into a more comfortable position.

She exhales slowly when the glass is empty and Jace puts it back on the nightstand. Distantly Lydia registers that he's sitting on the bed with her.  
"Can you talk now?" Jace asks. There is something careful in his eyes. It's strange to look at.  
"What happened?" She slides back down into a horizontal position, trying very hard to sort through her jumbled thoughts.

"How about you tell me what you remember." Jace has a good Shadowhunter expression, she thinks. There is always something in his gaze that shows the intense focus he directs at whatever he thinks is most important at the moment. Right now he's looking at her without the contempt, suspicion or careless distance she has grown accustomed to in the last couple of weeks.  
A good expression. Effective.

She knows that Jace doesn't hate her for over-complicating Alec's life anymore, but she's also aware of the fact that since the cancelled wedding he's mostly been ignoring her. She assumes he does it for the sake of simplicity.  
The way he looks at her now, though... If she didn't know him better she'd almost say it's caring.

"It's all a bit chaotic," she admits and stubbornly stares at the ceiling, while trying to recall the exact order of events before her unfortunate passing out.  
"I remember making the decision to go out on the mission with you." Alec and Magnus had been absent, both on an assignment that needed connections to the Downworld (though Magnus had been very insistent on making sure she knew that he was in no way taking orders from her but merely using this as an excuse to spend more time with Alec, which, really, Lydia wouldn't have needed spelled out for her.)

Clary is still spending most of her time with Jocelyn and Luke, so she had been tying up loose ends of the whole Valentine mess. Lydia doesn't know if she's come back yet. Isabelle and her parents are currently in Idris to take care of some diplomatic problems that have arisen between American Shadowhunters and the Clave. They're not due to return for another four days.  
Left in charge of the entire Institute once again, instead of just sporadically running everything while the Lightwoods take credit for it Lydia had received the alert for demon activity in Queens and judged that, based on the apparent severity of the situation Jace and her would be the most qualified for the incident. She doesn't remember if there had been any doubts about her decision. There always are, though, every possible negative outcome spinning through her head and then the following the decision on adjusting to them or not.

 _Stupid_.

"I should have taken more people." At _least_ more weapons or more intel. She knows better then to go in this blind. Craning her head to the side she looks up at Jace who is sitting there, looking like everything is _fine_. She wonders how many of the scars on his body are from countless _Iratzen_. He shrugs.  
"I don't think you should have." It sounds honest. "Even after you went down I was fine on my own." She scoffs and is taking aback by the surprise on his face. His eyes are focusing on her face again, his body at an awkward angle.

"Of course _you_ were fine," she says, making it sound like an accusation, "but anyone else most likely wouldn't have been."

She's watched the legendary Jace Wayland work of course. As excited as she had been to come here because it meant running an Institute by herself, she knows that part of it had also been the inhabitants of this Institute in particular. The Lightwoods, though there family name is still tarnished in a lot of households by Robert and Maryse's involvement in the Circle, had always been a family Lydia had grown up admiring and Jace Wayland is, well, kind of a big name in the whole Shadow World, the widely accepted golden child, so Lydia had packed her bags with glee, inappropriately curious about how it would feel, working with such esteemed Shadowhunters.

To this point they haven't disappointed.  
Though they are much more human than Lydia could ever have imagined (which, in hindsight, had been sort of naive of her) they're also some of the best Lydia has ever seen. She likes watching them work and train, more than that she enjoys taking part in it. Jace has never been an option for training (for reasons Lydia doesn't care to evaluate), but Alec and Isabelle both have a range of abilities that Lydia loves to shamelessly exploit for her own improval. Even Clary brings things to the table, due to her unconventional upbringing, that Lydia hasn't seen before.

So it doesn't surprise her in the least that Jace was able to defeat the same demon that took Lydia by surprise and put her in her current state. What she finds more peculiar is Jace being here, obviously waiting for her to wake up, the Angel knows for how long.  
She looks at him, the lines of his body, the way he actually seems to be making an effort to speak to her, to be here for her and she can't figure it out.

Jace has welcomed her here. He isn't hostile towards her anymore. But after the wedding, after they defeated Valentine, after everything has calmed down they're paths still didn't overlap that much. Lydia has her suspicions that he's avoiding her like he's avoiding a lot of people these days. Jocelyn for example, or even Clary, even after finding out that they aren't in fact siblings. Lydia doesn't blame him for that one, though, she knows that distance is sometimes required for getting close to someone again. Why he's evading Isabelle and the Lightwoods in general, though, Lydia doesn't get. Alec and Jace's relationship is all patched up, but Alec is busy now most of the time, whereas Jace finally has time to get back to his normal rhythm, because he doesn't a have a whole sexuality and change of view on Downworlders to figure out.

Lydia has watched him as any responsible person in charge of an Institute would.  
But she doesn't quite understand him. This situation right here, the position they're in, doesn't help very much at all.

"So," she says and presses the back of her head further into the pillow, her face still turned towards Jace, "how long was I out exactly?" He slides a hand through his hair.  
"About three hours. The runes helped but we had to numb some of the bigger wounds." Lydia chuckles. She can still feel the exhaustion pulling at her, but she knows that she'll be fine after getting some sleep.  
"Yeah, I can feel that."

Jace's tired smile tugs at her heart.

*

They insist on keeping her in bed the next day.  
Her protests die on her lips when Jace crosses his arms and pins her down with a glare.

"Fine," she says, not caring that she sounds like a spiteful five-year-old, "but one of you is going to have to go into my office and get me some of the files on my desk. I still have work to do." Raj turns on his heel without a word and Lydia leans back into the three pillows that have been stacked behind her back in order to support her when she sits up.

Jace sits down on the bed next to hers. She looks at him with what she hopes is a stern expression.  
"You can go, I'm fine. I'm sure you have somewhere to be."  
"I don't, actually. Things have been quiet lately." He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees, his hand clasped together. She'd really like to make a comment about her current state being evidence to the contrary, but, really, she's got nothing because he's right. Since the uproar caused by Valentine things tend to pale in comparison.

Running the Institute might be stressful, but it's also predictable in its own way no matter how unusual some of the circumstances are. And with the demonic activity being lower than ever since the Cup is stored somwhere else Lydia guesses that all Shadowhunters that don't have a thousand administrative things to manage do have a lot more free time than their used to. Even a Shadowhunter can't spend all their time training.

"Maybe you should look for a hobby," she suggests, entirely serious. Jace's answering smile is crooked.  
"Yeah maybe." He looks down at his knuckles.  
"You know, before Clary got here I never would have considered that there could be something besides fighting that I could do permanently." His voice has gone soft in a way that makes Lydia smile without intending to.  
"You're still very fond of her." It's not a question. Everyone could see it in the way he acts.  
"I am. But... It's complicated. Just because she isn't my sister that doesn't mean its not weird to be around her."

Lydia nods, but doesn't say anything else.  
She couldn't even begin to comprehend what he's feeling. She's sure, though, that Jace has changed since Clary got here. Not just subconsciously in ways he himself doesn't even notice, no, Clary has managed to throw a lot of worlds here off axis, forcing them to evaluate their situations and choices.

So far it's been a good thing, but having the person that changed everything around constantly can be painful to look at, and Lydia wouldn't want to overstep. 

"Well, as long as you're still contemplating you might as well help me with paperwork," she says, nodding at Raj who is coming back up the stairs, folders stacked on his arms. She pushes herself up and starts dividing them as soon as he drops them into her lap. 

Out of the corner of her eye she catches Jace huffing, like he isn't exactly excited about the possibility, but when Lydia pushes one file to the side he snags it up nonetheless.

*

The joints in his back crack mercilessly when he lifts his arms over his head two hours later.  
"You actually like doing this?" She gives him a fleeting look before returning her attention to the forensic file Isabelle has delivered to her two days ago.  
"Someone has to do it."  
"That's not really an answer." She properly lifts her head now. He's grinning openly at her and Lydia asks herself if this is what he was like before. Tossing around grins when he wanted to mindlessly charm someone and firm frowns when something didn't go according to his liking.

But there is an inkling of warmth behind his eyes, a spark of real amusement, that has never been behind the vain smiles he gave her in the first days she had been here so she discards the thought.

"I like putting an order to things," she says, "but not all the time. I like the definitive of a battle and putting my energy into something useful. Doesn't really matter if it's physically beating down demons or taking care that the right people are at the right place at the right time to do it for me."

His eyes are fixed on her. She shifts under the blankets, trying to release some of the heat that is trapped underneath.

"That's a nice way of putting it." He sounds like he's being serious, though he somehow also manages to make it sound disbelieving. He's always been of the conviction that Shadowhunters are first and foremost about fighting, that much Lydia knows. In their relationship Alec is the one who concerns himself with the politics of it all.  
"Different people have different talents," she says pointedly, closing the report on one of the last of Valentine's Forsaken Isabelle dissected. It didn't turn up anythng they didn't already know, but it had to be done and Lydia is glad this part of the procedure is over now. Any loose end Valentine has left is a success when they've tied it up.

She still has to see to it that the groceries are delivered on time, unless she wants to send someone to get them, which is always a hassle. Shadowhunters are generally inept to navigate the mundane world. Though, she supposes she could send Clary should worst come to worst.

She shoots Jace a sideways glance. Back in Idris a lot of girls she knows have praised Jace Wayland's good looks and fantasised about getting to fight with him (that one's not restricted to girls though, John had been so adamant about one day killing a demon with him that Lydia had liked to tease him about leaving her immediately after for Jace should it ever come to that.)

He looks painfully human like this, though, hunched over papers and running a hand through his hair in a manner that Lydia has come to associate with him.

"You could always go out, you know. Explore the mundane world. Maybe you'd like it. We can spare you for a few hours."  
"I really think I know enough about mundanes as it is." Lydia thinks of Simon who Isabelle had told her about in confidence. She had giggled when she had described the rivalry Jace and Simon have going on, not least because Simon had once been a simple mundane, not even an untrained Shadowhunter in disguise, and Jace hadn't been able to accept him sneaking into the Shadow World nonethless. After seeing them interact, though, Lydia is pretty sure that Jace is just incapable of admitting that mundanes have some values that wouldn't be the worst to adopt into their world. If only because both Clary and Simon would probably never let him live it down.  
"Perhaps. But maybe you should find out more. It's where Clary was raised after all."  
"Clary isn't my sister, though."

"That doesn't mean you can't care. It doesn't even mean she isn't family." She says it easily as to not set him on edge and doesn't look at him any further, instead leaning forward and bending over her tablet to tap on the right kind of apples. 

*

Two days after Lydia has officially been proclaimed fit for duty again Jace knocks on her door.  
"There's a Kuri roaming free on 72nd. Alec and I are going. You wanna come?" He's in full battle attire but from the way he looks at her one would think he was asking her if she wants to go get some ice cream. Lydia draws her eyebrows together.  
"Why? Can you guys not handle it?"

Jace scoffs and leans against the doorframe.  
"Of course we _can_. I just-" For a split second it almost looks like he's looking for words he can't reach before he fixes his gaze on her.  
"You haven't been outside in three days and we can't be sure if you're completely healed yet. Alec and I would have your back."

Lydia braces herself against her desk.  
"Well, that's very-" _Sweet_ she wants to say, but the word gets stuck in her throat.  
"That's actually not a bad idea. Hold on." She pulls out her wrist cuff from under the desk and unceremoniously puts her stele between her teeth while she starts walking and clipping the cuff on. Jace holds open the door and follows her down the corridor without missing a beat. Lydia takes the stele out of her mouth and starts applying runes to her skin in the midst of walking like only someone with years of experience in impromptu missions could.

Alec is waiting at the Institute doors. He makes an impatient noise when they're close enough to hear him.  
"Can we go now?" Not his idea to take her along then. Lydia doesn't think about the implications of it, instead she smiles at Alec as brightly as she can, because she's found that that works almost every time.  
"Absolutely." He smiles back slowly and Lydia allows herself to feel the affection swelling up in her chest for just a moment before she grabs the seraph blade he offers her.

*

"Why am I here?" Magnus turns in a circle, his eyebrows raised as his eyes seem to be taking in every last hidden corner of the office.  
"Magnus, you were already here. I literally just pulled you out of Alec's room." He waves dismissively and Lydia shakes her head with a smile.  
"Is he your personal guard now?" Magnus points to Jace who's leaning against the corner of Lydia's desk like he belongs there. It's true that in the past two weeks Jace has been spending more and more time here. Lydia doesn't mind and hasn't questioned it. Not out loud, at least. But Magnus doesn't know that and he doesn't need to either. Lydia raises her chin.  
"He's the one who you'll be working with if you agree to help us."

She resists the urge to waver when Magnus sizes her up and narrows his eyes.  
"I feel like you people are forgetting that I'm actually not our go-to warlock always at your disposal."  
"I know. You have to trust me, I'm trying to establish more contacts in the Downworld so we don't have to bother you every time we need a warlock, but this has just come in ten minutes ago and we really need to get on it quick."

Magnus does another sweeping gesture that vaguely resembles a bow.  
"Very well," he says, "but only because Alexander has to go greet his returning family."

He winks at her when Jace is already half out the door and it completely destroys what's left Lydia's resolve not to feel smug.

"You know," Magnus says as he's leaning in, "he's making quite the effort for you."

When he walks out the door he leaves the smell of cinnamon behind.

*

"This is what mundanes do, right?" Lydia looks at Jace over the rim of her sunglasses.  
"Well," she replies, "I don't really know. When I told you that you should explore the mundane world I was thinking that maybe you should take someone who actually knows something about it."

Jace rolls his eyes.  
"Sure, but this is what they do, right? It's what Simon told me. For a first date you go somewhere _casual_. Alas!" He does a wide sweep with his hand, gesturing over the general area, where the pick-up with the built-in coffee shop is and people all around them are going about their business. Lydia is a little too busy choking on her cookie to notice, though.  
"For a _what_?"

Jace frowns.  
"Are you alright?" She waves her hand to indicate that she's fine while barely forcing down the too dry crumbs.  
"Go back to the part where you said this was a date."  
"What?" He looks genuinely confused now. She's never seen him like this, it's not just puzzlement, he looks almost... lost. It doesn't reassure her at all.

"You just said _'for a first date'_."  
"Why are you so surprised?"  
"Well, Shadowhunters may be a little less mundane about their relationships, but usually you tell someone _beforehand_ that it's a date."  
"Wh- You didn't know?"

Their voices are evenly matched in confusion.

"You asked me if I wanted to go get a coffee!"  
"No. I asked you if you wanted to go _out_ and get a coffee!"  
"There's no difference!"  
"I'm pretty sure that mundies would disagree."

"Oh by the-" Lydia drops back in her chair and slides the sunglasses down her nose to take them off. Jace's eyes are very blue in the sunlight.  
"Alright, so, just to be clear: You want to date me?" He shrugs and doesn't look at her. Even that he manages to pull off confidently.  
"I get that it's hard to believe. But this is just all kinds of insulting."  
"You're an idiot."  
"And you're really pretty today." 

She drops her head and laughs quietly.  
"Just do me a favor. Next time, tell me before."

His eyes light up so suddenly that she keeps smiling even when they're called back to the Institute.

*

Lydia wakes with a groan.  
The sheets underneath her are familiar and there are fingers entwined with hers.

"Before you say anything," says a voice above her that she knows as well as her own heartbeat, "you should know that I, too, am injured and you should be nice to me." She takes a look at the cut on Jace's forehead and groans again. The hand that she isn't holding onto tightly skims over the fading wound on her hip.  
"That was an incredibly stupid move," she says.

"He would have gotten you."  
"I was already injured."  
"So, I should have let you get hurt _worse_?" He frowns like he doesn't already know what she means, like he wouldn't tell her the exact same thing if their positions were reversed. Well, actually, he'd be a little more crude in his choice of words. She doesn't have the energy for as big of a smile she wants to give him, but she musters one up anyway. There's a jolt of pain when she lifts up her hand to cradle his cheek.

She tries not to wince but she knows he's seen it anyway. It looks like his hand is going back for his stele for a second, before he grabs her wrist and looks at her.  
"You need to stop fussing every time I get hurt. It happens, you know that, more often than we'd like."  
"Yeah." His voice is hoarse, like he's the one who got knocked out and is just waking up again.  
"I don't think you can count on me to do that."

He pries her hand away from his face more gently than he normally touches people and lays it back down onto the mattress. She doesn't answer and tears away her eyes to check that they're alone. Where the Infirmary opens to the Institute she can make out Clary's hair and Alec standing behind her, hands on his hips and towering over everyone in his vicinity. She's sure Isabelle is somewhere nearby, but no one is looking at them.  
She returns her attention to her boyfriend.

"Maybe trying to stop passing out is a better resolve," she says lightly and ignores his eyes burning into her. He's smiling, that's all that counts.  
"I don't think I'd miss it." He draws up his legs and Lydia notices that he's not wearing any shoes but otherwise hasn't changed yet, so either she can't have been out for long or he just flat out refused to leave her side with some very bad excuses for it. Both is equally likely so she is not going to ask.

When he lifts up the blanket covering her legs she shivers, but is grateful a second later when his feet cover hers and he stretches out one arm over her head and one over the expanse of her ribs just above the wound that is barely there anymore.  
"So, this completely ruined everything for you, didn't it?" Her arm is pressed tightly between their bodies and she doesn't want to risk the pain so she leaves her hands at her sides even though she longs to touch him.  
"You can keep pretending that _I'm_ the one who wanted to 'try out the ballet because I've never been before', but there's no one here and I know the truth."

He laughs into her hair like he can't allow himself to do it out loud as long as she's hurt in the sick bay.  
"Don't be ridiculous. If I wanted to go to the ballet I'd do it with pride. I'm not afraid to oppose Robert and Maryse's wishes."  
"They're thing with ballet is kind of strange," Lydia says and allows her eyes to fall shut again. There's the faint sensation of lips on her hair.  
"So," Jace whispers, "not ruined?"  
"Not ruined," Lydia grants before the exhaustion is pulling her away from consciousness.

She knows he'll claim otherwise, but Jace isn't going to leave.


End file.
